tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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