Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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