She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Small penises have feelings too.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We talked him into tasing himself.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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