Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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