No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
