dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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