did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
