Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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