so explain again why im purple
no
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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