yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
