he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
