Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
