i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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