Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He passed out mid-signature
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Drunk is not a location!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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