i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
