i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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