I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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