we have officially lost it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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