We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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