i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
