He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
