I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
