Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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