don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
