Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
