Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
