I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
