hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
