And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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