I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
