I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
