Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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