you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
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I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
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We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm having to shit out rocks
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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