i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
