I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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