The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
