when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
