Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
