i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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