I am spending my child support on dildos
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
