Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
