I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
fuck your aforementioned shoe
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize