Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
