I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I have post one night stand depression
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