When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
