fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
