so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
