So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
