Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
