Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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