then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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