Your dad touched me again.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
