What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
