the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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