I wish I only lived at night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
