he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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