wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
