So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
