I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
